Top 5 Guns for Santa

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There are legitimate predators stalking the Artic, and a man should be prepared.

Does Santa carry? I have no idea if jolly old St. Nick packs heat while he is out spreading joy on Christmas Eve. If not, he should think about picking himself up a gift while he is in town. I am talking about a handgun for protecting himself, Mrs. Clause, the reindeer and the elves. The North Pole isn’t exactly the most hospitable environment. Other than the cold, there are the polar bears to contend with, and not the cute cuddly ones in the Coca-Cola commercials. There is also the abominable snowman to think about. And if Superman’s Fortress of Solitude is really up in the Santa’s neck of the polar waste, he might encounter all manner of evil villains out to prove their mettle against the Man of Steel.

5 handguns that will get the job done up in the Arctic.


The Freedom Arms Model 83 may look old-school, but it fires some heavy modern rounds.

1 Freedom Arms Model 83

Freedom Arms makes some BIG single action revolvers. They are also some of the nicest production revolvers out there. These 5 shot wheel guns come in a bunch of different calibers but Santa will want to check out the big ones. And by Big I mean BIG. .500 Wyoming Express, .475 Linebaugh, .454 Casull… Those hit hard and leave a big hole. A Yeti will think twice about eating Rudolf if the fat man in the red suit is packing one of these big bores. I am not talking about the fancy white coolers either. The single action revolver design is also hard to beat for reliability.


Can any production model revolver hold a candle to S&W’s reputation for quality double action wheel guns?

2 Smith and Wesson 500

They don’t get any bigger than this bad boy. 5 double action rounds of pure awesome. We are talking about a 350 gr bullet traveling right at 2,000 f/s. Magic reindeer don’t move that fast! In terms of muzzle energy, the 500 S&W Magnum is the most powerful there is.

Recoil could be an issue. I bet he would shake like a bowl full of jelly after a couple of rounds. But so should anything on the receiving end.



If any company rivals Smith’s quality, it is Ruger. And with a bit of work, these will last forever.

3 Bowen Classic Arms/Ruger Super Redhawk

Ruger Super Redhawks are nice revolvers. Ruger makes them in .480 Ruger, .454 Casull and .44 Mag.

But Bowen Classic Arms can make them nicer! They do caliber conversions too. Santa can take the Redhawk up to a big 50 cal with a conversion to .50 Special or the super hard hitting .500 Linebaugh. Hamilton and the crew in Tennessee will also slick up the action and do some tricks to make a very reliable revolver even more so.



I suggest getting a long holster for this thing.

4 Magnum Research BFR 45/70

Yes, Magnum Research makes the Big Fu… er, FIRING Revolvers (sorry Santa) in harder hitting calibers than the old school 45/70. But Santa strikes me as an old school kind of dude. I bet he has on old Sharps in 45/70 already. Heck, he probably has an elf detailed over to reloading. So picking something in a caliber he already has can simplify things. It is not like 45/70 is a slouch and the fire ball that will come out of the barrel should scare any monstrous snowmen away, or melt them.


Now this is old school. But it will dispatch a wounded reindeer.

5 Uberti Colt Walker

The original hand cannon is the Colt Walker. Colt hasn’t made them in over 150 years but our friends in Italy make a great copy with modern materials. So why a blackpowder revolver for Santa? I am not 100% sure he can buy a handgun in the US. The North Pole isn’t exactly a territory. Maybe he gets a work visa every year to make his deliveries. But if he can’t pass a 4473, what is he to do?! Blackpowder guns are exempt from ATF regulations. Santa can even have one of these bad boys shipped to his door. The Uberti Walker is no slouch either. We are talking .357 Mag type power from a revolver designed back in the 1840s.


So there you go Santa. Yes they are all revolvers. In my opinion, the revolver is where it is at for power and reliability when in bear country. Or crazed snowmen, rabid reindeer or maybe a demonic Narwhal bent on skewering up some elves.

Santa 867

{ 5 comments… add one }
  • Lemaus December 22, 2014, 7:07 pm

    As a resident of griz country, I would add one automatic to your list. Glock 20 10mm

  • Lemaus December 22, 2014, 7:06 pm

    As a resident of griz country, I would add one automatic to your list. Glock 20 10mm

  • DrThunder88 December 22, 2014, 1:52 pm

    Okay, this was a cute entry. Kudos to GA for lightening the tone a touch. I would point out though that Jolly Old St. Nick’s place of birth was Turkey, not Germany. He also wasn’t born in 1773 though he would be about 1773 years old! I just don’t want to see the ATF conduct another one of their debacles on Santa’s Workshop.

  • Jaro December 17, 2014, 10:40 pm

    I definitely agree with you Sam. I have to say that Freedom Arms Model 83 would be perfect for Santa maybe because of reliability 🙂 If there is something that should be considered when looking for a handgun I think that you have to give up on something in order to get something else. There are compromises involved. So whatever is important for Santa, he would have to decide. We wrote recently a piece regarding this that can be found here I would appreciate your thoughts and feedback as you really know your stuff. Anyways, I am really looking forward to your new posts as they are always fun to read.

    – Jaro,

  • Draino December 17, 2014, 2:33 pm

    North Pole is in the US…its in Alaska, situated between Eielson AFB and Ft Wainwright(Fairbanks). Look it up….he even has a house there. That’s where most of the letters that kids send to Santa at the North Pole end up. So Santa is good to go!!! Definitely more so than Obama….LOL!!!!

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